the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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