i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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