Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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