After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
