Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
