VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
