Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was born a porn star she said
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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