I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
