my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
