Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish my penis had a tongue
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
