it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
