Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
