He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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