You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
