ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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