theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
