so that wasnt chicken after all
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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