Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
