it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The power of my boobs compel you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
