Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
