If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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