I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
