True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
