I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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