it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
