Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
