is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
