You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
