i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
