it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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