Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
