We named our party play list daddy issues
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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