she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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