i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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