mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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