I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just cropdusted the office
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
