maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
