Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
