I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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