Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
