I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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