How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
