wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
