we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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