I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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