thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
