my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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