is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
