so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
