i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
